How To Establish Healthy Boundaries and Godly Standards In Christian Dating
What do you look for when you seek a partner? Do you have any standards set in place? Do you have healthy boundaries established to avoid getting hurt or taken advantage of? If you are unsure of any of this, that’s okay, because today I want to talk about establishing healthy boundaries and creating Godly standards for Christian dating and marriage.
I can only assume that you are here reading this because you are a single Christian (like myself) and are curious to know more about how to step into the Christian dating realm on the right foot.
If you don’t know my story already, I am a single Christian mom and have been in this season of singleness for over five years now. There has been so much that I have learned over the past few years, and one of the most important things is to be content. God tells us to be content in all things. No matter what season we are in or what we are going through, we need to learn to be content.
If this is something you struggle with, check out my latest post on how to be content as a single Christian here.
What Are Healthy Boundaries?
Some other things I have learned over the years is to establish healthy boundaries and understand the Godly standards for dating and marriage when finding a spouse. Creating healthy boundaries is super important because it allows the relationship to be respectful, caring and considerate of one another. It also helps the individual to protect themselves against any kind of red flags the other person may show, and to cut them loose, if that’s the case.
Here are some examples of healthy boundaries established in relationships:
- Freedom to express your opinions, feelings and beliefs
- Your right to privacy
- The right to express your true self, and not hold any part of yourself back
- To be able to freely communicate all wants and needs
- Mutual respect, care and consideration for one another
- Asking permission
What About Healthy Boundaries In Christian Dating?
Creating healthy boundaries in Christian dating is not often spoken about in the Church. It seems as though dating, marriage, sex and everything else in between is a bit of a taboo subject. Nonetheless, Christians need to learn to establish healthy, and Biblical boundaries before they enter the dating world.
As you probably already know, we are in a constant state of spiritual warfare (Ephesians 6). The devil is doing all he can to distract us, tempt us, and drag us away from our faith, and our purpose in life. We need to make sure that we are solely focusing on God alone, and His Will for our lives.
When you enter the dating world as a Christian, there is no doubt that the devil will do what he can to send wolves in sheep’s clothing (fake Christians, abusers, manipulators, people who will hurt you and tear you away from God). You need to stay vigilant and use your discernment when new people enter in to your life. If they are showing any signs of red flags, then let them go.
Red Flags In Christian Dating Include:
- Rushing you
- Forcing you to do something you don’t want to do
- Different beliefs (especially if they go against the Bible)
- Showing any signs of control, abuse or manipulation
- Pressuring you (especially if it comes to anything sexual)
- Saying that “God told me you are the one for me”
- Disrespecting you and your boundaries
- Not showing any kind of support or care
- Not caring about your faith, and relationship with God
- Steering you away from the faith
If you are dating and experience any of these kinds of red flags in your relationship, then they are not the one, sis.
In order to avoid all of this, you need to fully commit to God and His Will and put Him first, be content whilst being single, and are not in any rush to date or marry, and know your worth. Knowing your worth is so important because you would never allow anyone to jeopardize your true value and worth. Putting God first in all things and allowing Him to be the most important thing in your life, means that you would never allow anyone to try and take that away from you.
Healthy Boundaries For Christian Dating:
- Put God first always
- Allow Jesus to be the center of your relationship
- Never compromise your values and beliefs for anyone else
- Mutual respect, consideration and understanding for one another (especially when it comes to one’s feelings)
- Not allowing anyone to force or pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do (especially when it comes to sex of any kind before marriage)
- Be completely open and honest with one another to establish trust
- You can completely be yourself with this person – they accept you for who you are and they don’t want to change you
- This person encourages you to grow and mature in the faith, and not tear it down, or drag you away from God
- Establish healthy conflict resolution
- Pray for one another
Godly Standards For Dating and Marriage
Now that we have established what healthy boundaries are and what kind of healthy boundaries we can set in place when entering into a relationship, let’s take a look at the Godly standards for dating/marriage. You want to set some kind of standards in place to ensure that you are not settling for just any guy. The Bible talks about different qualities/attributes that both the husband and wife should have.
First and foremost your future partner should:
1. Love God and put Him first
2. Do God’s Will and purpose in his life
3. Be equally yoked with you
4. Do things that glorify God
Furthermore, the Biblical qualities of a good husband include:
- Love their wife the same way that Christ loves the Church – Ephesians 5:25
- No fornication (no sex before marriage) – 1 Corinthians 6:18
- A true follower of Christ – 1 Corinthians 11:1
- Does not entertain the devil – Ephesians 4:27
- Do not provoke their children to wrath – Ephesians 6:4
- Raise their children right in the Lord – Proverbs 22:6
- Love their wife and leads her – Ephesians 5:23-24, 28
- Honors their wife – 1 Peter 3:7
- Encourages and edifies their wife – 1 Thessalonians 5:11
- Teach and admonish one another – Colossians 3:16
- Seeks wisdom and understanding from God – Proverbs 3:5-6
- Good company – 1 Corinthians 15:33
- Content in all things – Philippians 4:11
- Independent – Mark 10:6-7
- Loyal to his wife – 1 Corinthians 7:4; 1 Peter 3:7; Hebrews 13:4
- Honest – Proverbs 12:22; 19:1
- Forgiving – Ephesians 4:32
- Bold and courageous – Deuteronomy 31:6; 2 Timothy 1:7; Philippians 4:13; Ephesians 6:10; Psalms 112:7
- Affectionate – 1 Corinthians 7:3
- Patient and kind – 1 Corinthians 13:4
- Trusts his wife – Proverbs 31:10-11
- Praises his wife – Proverbs 31:28
These qualities are also important for women to have as well such as being honest, forgiving, kind, loving and affectionate towards her husband, loyal, raises her children right in the Lord, and so on.
There are other important qualities that a Christian woman should have and these qualities are found in Proverbs 31. Check out the 17 attributes of a Proverbs 31 woman here.
Here are some more Biblical qualities of a good wife:
- Submissive and supports her husband – Genesis 2:18; Ephesians 5:22-24; 1 Peter 3:1-6; Colossians 3:18; 1 Corinthians 11:3
- Follows their leadership – 1 Peter 3:1-6
- Great role model for younger women in the faith – Titus 2:4-5
- Serves others – 1 Peter 4:10
- Confident – Proverbs 3:26
- Respectful towards her husband – Ephesians 5:33
- Gentle and has a quiet spirit – 1 Peter 3:4
- Great communicator (no swearing) – Ephesians 4:29
- Cares for her home – Proverbs 14:1
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I truly hope and pray that all of this will inspire you to set up healthy and Biblical boundaries and standards before dating, and that you are aware of what red flags are and how to look after them. If you are not ready, or feel uncomfortable, then that’s okay!
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Featuring:
✔ Scriptures For Single Women
✔ Prayers To Embrace Your Season of Singleness
✔ Prayers For Your Husband
✔ Attributes of a Godly Woman (Proverbs 31 Woman)
✔ Positive Affirmations
✔ Inspiring Quotes For Single Women
Donna Miller says
I love the extensive list of Scriptures that point to healthy boundaries in a wife and husband. Great job! I struggled with creating healthy boundaries for years until I discovered that healthy boundaries were God’s idea! Love this post sweet sister … ❤️
sacha CWD says
Thank you so much Donna! Yes I struggled with the same until recently. So glad to hear you understand more about healthy boundaries and Godly standards now!
Shanna Ream says
Such a great post with so much wisdom and truth for single ladies!
Reut shaviro says
Love this post 🙂