How To Set Biblical Boundaries As A Christian

How To Set Biblical Boundaries As A Christian

6 years. As I started writing this, it marked a very special occasion for me. Six years ago, I left my abusive ex boyfriend. And over these past six years I have both learned and received so much. I have received freedom and a chance to grow into a better Christian and person. I have learned to be independent, to trust God wholeheartedly and only put my faith in Him. I have also spiritually grown and matured in the faith – But God!

God was the one who saved me and took me out of that dark place. God was the one who guided me back on the right path; on the straight and narrow. God was the one who directed my steps and helped me to heal, move on and grow and mature in the faith.

This relationship that I was in for over 3 years has taught me so much. One of the most valuable lessons I have learned is to set healthy Biblical Boundaries. 

What Are Biblical Boundaries?

The Church doesn’t often talk about this and this is one of the most important things that we need to do in our lives, especially when we are in a relationship with someone else. God didn’t create us to be walked all over. 

Biblical boundaries are personal rules that you set in place to make sure that no one takes advantage of you, hurts or harms you, or treats you with disrespect. An example of setting a boundary includes saying no to someone, cutting someone off in your life and just loving them from a distance, and walking away from a situation that may require you to abandon your faith or change the beliefs that you have.

When we look at establishing healthy boundaries in our lives, we must always turn to God and the Bible. The first thing for me that comes to mind is when Jesus told His disciples to go out into the world and preach the gospel to everyone. If they go to a town and the people do not welcome them in, then they were to shake the dust off their feet and move on. 

“And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet” – Matthew 10:14.

Another example that comes to mind is when Paul tells us to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. It is okay for us, as Christians, to be friends with non-believers – I have many friends who are not Christian. However, we cannot let the friendship change our faith. And when it comes to relationships, in particular dating/courtship with someone, they should be a believer too. God wants us to marry someone who is also of the faith.

“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14.

5 Ways to Establish Biblical Boundaries In Your Life

1. Boundaries Set By God

The first kind of boundary that God set up was with Adam and Eve. He told them that they could live in the Garden of Eden and eat from ANY tree except ONE. DO NOT eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. And what did they do? They ate the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Why? Because the devil deceived Eve, who then influenced Adam to do so. 

Adam and Eve had one rule, ONE RULE, and they broke it. Their punishment for doing so was that they were kicked out of the garden of Eden, sin came about and cursed the land and everything in it (including the animals). 

God set up this boundary for Adam and Eve for a reason. He sets up boundaries in our lives for a reason, too, and if we break them, then there will be consequences. God knows everything about us: past, present and future. He knows what is best for us, and what could hurt us. He holds our fate in His hands. 

When God sets up boundaries in your life, OBEY them. Trust in Him. Believe that God is doing good in your life and is protecting you. 

An example of this is: If you are single, and are in a season of waiting, that is not a bad thing. You are in this season for a reason. Be patient and trust God. And I say this because of what I have shared earlier. I am in a season of waiting. I have been single for 6 years now, and I am happy and content! I am better off being alone and spending more time with God than to be with the wrong person and have my life destroyed again. 

2. How to Establish Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

As you probably already know, we are in a constant state of spiritual warfare (Ephesians 6). The devil is doing all he can to distract us, tempt us, and drag us away from our faith, and our purpose in life. We need to make sure that we are solely focusing on God alone, and His Will for our lives. 

When you enter the dating world as a Christian, there is no doubt that the devil will do what he can to send wolves in sheep’s clothing (fake Christians, abusers, manipulators, people who will hurt you and tear you away from God). You need to stay vigilant and use your discernment when new people enter in to your life. If they are showing any signs of red flags, then let them go. 

RED FLAGS IN CHRISTIAN DATING INCLUDE:

• Rushing you
• Forcing you to do something you don’t want to do
• Different beliefs (especially if they go against the Bible)
• Showing any signs of control, abuse or manipulation
• Pressuring you (especially if it comes to anything sexual)
• Saying that “God told me you are the one for me”
• Disrespecting you and your boundaries
• Not showing any kind of support or care
• Not caring about your faith, and relationship with God
• Steering you away from the faith

If you are dating and experience any of these kinds of red flags in your relationship, then they are not the one, sis. 

In order to avoid all of this, you need to fully commit to God and His Will and put Him first, be content whilst being single, and are not in any rush to date or marry, and know your worth. Knowing your worth is so important because you would never allow anyone to jeopardize your true value and worth. Putting God first in all things and allowing Him to be the most important thing in your life, means that you would never allow anyone to try and take that away from you. 

Healthy Boundaries For Christian Dating/Relationships

1.  Put God first always
2. Allow Jesus to be the center of your relationship
3. Never compromise your values and beliefs for anyone else
4. Mutual respect, consideration and understanding for one another (especially when it comes to one’s feelings)
5. Not allowing anyone to force or pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do (especially when it comes to sex of any kind before marriage)
6. Be completely open and honest with one another to establish trust
7. You can completely be yourself with this person – they accept you for who you are and they don’t want to change you
8. This person encourages you to grow and mature in the faith, and not tear it down, or drag you away from God
9. Establish healthy conflict resolution
10. Pray for one another

3. Boundaries For Children

As a mom myself, I know how important it is to raise my daughter right in the Lord. The Bible says in Proverbs 22:6 to “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it”. We must raise our children with the Bible as the foundation, and make it so that when they are older they will continue to follow through with what they have been taught. 

Setting Biblical boundaries for children is of paramount importance, especially from a young age. Children are curious beings. They love to touch things they aren’t supposed to touch and do things they aren’t supposed to do. We need to teach our children what is and isn’t right to do in terms of what they play with, eat, touch, and so on. We should also be saying no to our children, when it is necessary and correcting their behavior. 

So, for example, setting healthy boundaries for our children include:

• Saying “No” when necessary (e.g., if you do not want them to do something. You should not be teaching your children that they can just get whatever they want whenever they want)
• Teaching them right from wrong in terms of what the Bible says 
• Making sure that they are safe and not touching anything hot, or dangerous, or going into places that are not safe for them (e.g., playing in water alone, going outside by themselves if they’re young, leaving them unsupervised, touching the oven or power points, letting them climb up high places or jump off high places when young etc)

When it comes to Biblical boundaries for children, the best thing that you can do for them is to discipline them and correct their wrongful behavior. God tells us in Hebrews 12:6-7 that He chastises those He loves. “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?” (Hebrews 12:6-7).

When we are doing wrong, God will chastise us because He loves us. We need to correct the bad behavior that our children show, in love, and teach them right from wrong from a Biblical perspective. If we do not teach our children, then satan and the world will show them otherwise. “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying” (Proverbs 19:18).

4. Learning Self-Control

Setting up Biblical boundaries for yourself is more than protecting yourself from others’ behaviors, but also about protecting you from yourself. We live in a sinful, fallen world. We are constantly at war with the spirit fighting against the desires of the flesh. Setting up Biblical boundaries for ourselves will help us to win these battles in the spirit, and to give us a sense of self-control against any urges of the flesh. 

Titus 2:12 – “Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world;”. 

James 4:4 – “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God”. If you are a friend of the world, then you are an enemy of God. Self-control is important and is one of the fruits of the spirit (Galatians 5:13).

Boundaries for self-control include:

1. Casting down negative thoughts/emotions in your mind about yourself as to not tempt you to do anything to coddle that negative thought or feeling (for example if you feel lonely and have a desire to fornicate, or to drink/get drunk, go out and party etc)
2. Knowing your worth – you are so precious and valuable in the eyes of God. He doesn’t want you to be influenced by the sins of this world. Make sure that you value yourself enough to not fall into the traps laid out by the devil to get you back into your old sinful ways. 
3. Putting God first above all else. When you put God first, you will feel so much better and it will encourage you to continue to focus on Him and His will for your life, rather than being drawn towards sin.
4. Stay in prayer – make sure that you are always talking to God, and giving everything to God in prayer. Cast all of your burdens and anxiety unto Him because He cares for you!
5. Staying away from worldly things (James 4:4)
6. Saying “No” and standing up for yourself. Do not be a ‘yes man’ out of fear of others. 

5. Setting Boundaries For Others 

There will be moments in your life where you may need to correct others, especially Christians. There will also be times where you will need to speak the truth to others, regardless of their beliefs. 

God tells us to speak the truth in love. We shouldn’t lie to others, especially if it puts them in some sort of danger. Let the Holy Spirit guide you on what to say and how to say it. 

“But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:” – Ephesians 4:15.

“Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?” – Galatians 4:16.

The Importance of Establishing Boundaries In Your Life As A Christian

Setting up Biblical boundaries are important for many different areas of your life. They help you stay close to God, protect yourself from bad people entering your life (whether as a friend or more), encourage you to raise your children right in The Lord, teach you self-control and self-respect, and to speak open and honestly with others in love. 

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